As you move and marry
And begin your chosen life
Let me share these helpful hints
On how to train a wife.

Within a week of taking vows
You need to set her down
And let her know that you're the boss
The only game in town.

Your supper should be ready
'Fore your stomach starts to growl.
You need clean sheets upon the bed
A fresh and folded towel.

She must not get a headache
Nor have better things to do.
You are the Man, the Chosen One,
The one she's wedded to.

You can choose the menu
And remind her she's the best
Then slip into your favorite chair
And let her do the rest.

Now, most folks would remind you
That you need to help her some.
Don't be a couch pototo
Or a slimey gutter bum.

But if you do slob over
You could say that she's to blame.
And, wretched as you may become
She'll love you just the same.

She can do the dishes
Tend the garden and the kid.
You can watch the TV
And choose how to leave the lid.

When she asks you for a little help
So she can have some fun
Ask a thousand questions
Till she gets the duties done.

"Where does this go? How does this work?
What's this on the bottom shelf?"
She'll soon be so frustrated
She'll just handle it herself.

And just to show your lovely bride
That you're a modern man
You'll let her have her own career
(The Bacon, and the Pan).

She is Woman, hear her roar
So follow my advice
And you will hear her roar much more
Than if you acted nice.

And when the day is over
And she finally sits down
Ask your weary sweetheart
If she wants to do the town.

And be free of any worry
That you'll have to leave your chair
Your wallet will be safe enough
'Cuz she's too tired to care.

Now, one last hint to make it work
Just show her that you care
And tell her now and often
That you're blessed to have her there.

Oh yes, for sure, I recommend
To make an easy life
Every man and woman needs
To get themselves a wife!